Are You Free to Change Your Mind?

The Illusion of Freedom

During my Christian walk, I felt free. Looking back, I was anything but. All of this culminated in a Walmart parking lot.

I was sitting in my car and I asked a question:

Am I free to not believe in Christianity?

This question took me by surprise. I knew the answer before spending a moment thinking about it.

Testing the Waters

After concluding I was not free to leave, I decided to test it. I thought to myself, "What if I just stop believing for a day?"

I remember my heart beating out of rhythm and getting scared I'd have a heart attack and wake up in hell.

This fear, the fear of burning, is what ultimately kept me chained to Christianity for so long.

Take note of the word, "chain", it is intentional. See, while you are in the faith, you do not notice the chain. It is only until you make an active attempt to leave the yard does the chain tug at your neck.

You Cannot Escape Belief

You may feel I discredit Christianity altogether, this is not the case. I advocate for a healthy sort of Christianity, one that improves the mental health of the believer and those around them.

From within the Christian frame, it may seem as if everyone must have some ultimate conclusion about the gaping questions the faith attempts to resolve. However, outside the frame, this may not be the case.

I do not have any answers to provide you, for I am just as chained to my current state of belief as you are. I have bias within me and it stains all aspects of my perspective.

I've come to accept that I have beliefs which are outside my ability to explain. I believe when we die we will be judged for our actions. I cannot prove this. I do not have a way to demonstrate it, therefore I do not call it true.

It is merely a belief I hold, nothing more.

I accept the fact I have this belief, and I no longer feel the need to superimpose it on others.

When I see a group of people with a pride flag, no longer do I think to myself, "God will judge them for their sins."

Now, their being has blended into the background of my life in the same way the library on 4th street has. And it all has to do with the acceptance of my current state of belief, and the acknowledgment that those belief will change like the wind.